It’s been a long time when I visited this place last. No I was not busy, not at all busy; In fact I felt I was totally free and wasted few days back.
I write to you today, as a broken man. I am disgusted, my faith in humanity shattered. I feel violated and unclean. What I am about to say may shock some of you. It may anger many. My tale is not for the faint of heart.
Lately I’ve been getting very irritable, isolated, anger and feeling very lonely. I feel I’m at my wit's end and just can't seem to find any answers. I feel ashamed and embarrassed and keeping my feeling's to myself. I am starting to think people are getting tired of hearing the same old crap from me so now I am starting to withdraw which causes me to get even more angry and frustrated. I was asked one time when was the last time I was happy....I couldn’t answer that. I don't think I’ve ever been happy or so called normal and am beginning to believe I was meant to be this way. I’m pissed, angry, irritable, alone, tired and just want it all to go away. Searching for answers but don't know where to search!!!!
The darkness surrounds me as I feel trapped like the world is caving. I can’t even escape to my thoughts anymore even they have turned black. I’m slipping again just as I thought my roller coaster was getting to stop and it always starts again. All the little things that happen to me… all build up and my brain collapses due to the pressure and its slowly starts killing me.
It looks like there are only few persons I can count on are my best friend and my sister cum friend.... But I still feel alone... like no one will care if I was to die tomorrow... Every day I deal with a lot of people that act like they care me but they don’t! My so called friends... lol...feel like they turn their back on me..."brothers from another mother...” That’s what we use to say... People wonder why I show no mercy ...speak my mind and how I feel.... That’s coz pain is my weakness leaving the body...and my heart been burnt so many times I don’t know the difference....I guess you can say I am a cold hearted nagger....
